Tuesday, 24 March 2015

How it feels to be in a "not so serious" relationship:

I'm saying "not so serious" because he has no plans on settling down. He has no plans on getting married and he doesn't want to commit entirely. Why am I still in this relationship? Because I want to. Because I love him. Because I actually have strong feelings for him and maybe perhaps one day he may change his mind?! But then again, we cannot change people unless they are willing to change! Do I keep my options open? Maybe. I would still be open to meeting new people... of course because I like meeting new people all the time... I would stay faithful, of course! But once I meet someone and I believe there is a chance that it's a "serious" one, then I'll give up this "not so serious" relationship... He had made his choice by choosing not to settle, he has made the choice to keep this private... He prefers to keep his "single" civil status. Why would I bother? My civil status is "married". I've been separated for 7 years and raising my kid all by myself. Do I want someone to help me? I don't mind. I've done it alone and I can still continue doing it alone... He hasn't bothered getting close to her... Ouch! This means that he really doesn't want to get close or isn't really serious... Many friends say, just let go... I deserve better. Maybe, yes. I do... I deserve someone who will treat me like a queen. Someone who would do anything to keep me by his side and wants to see me happy all the time. Someone who makes me laugh without even doing anything. Someone who'll listen to whatever crap I have on mind and doesn't judge. One day, I'll push through with the annulment only if I find someone worthy and willing to wait and spend the rest of his life with me. We're not getting younger. Who knows what can happen?! Anytime, any day... I could just let go... I could just stop. It could just end. I'm not depressed. I'm just sad. It's just how it is and we cannot change the facts. If he's not for me he will not be for me. The higher power has a plan... I hope this sadness is temporary. I'm tired of crying. But then again, I choose how I feel... I need positivity. I'll pray. I hope everything works out just fine.