Friday, 30 December 2016


I had a friend with trust issues who went to see a shrink to learn to trust again... I don't think I have trust issues, I just don't trust unless proven worthy... I don't know how ruined it makes people when it seems like it is all in their head. That everyone is a liar. True. Everyone lies... but why do we still trust? Why do people still believe in words that may be lies? To trust someone is believing that they're worthy of their words. Sure sometimes, there may be times where people are dishonest. Of course there must be a reason... everything has a reason. So how do people learn to trust? Sometimes never... How do we fix this? It always depends on the person... I've forgiven, I've believed lies... yet, I can still trust... because I believe that the truth always comes out anyway... People believe in the saying, what they don't know won't hurt them. Getting hurt because of trust issues is another thing. It can ruin everything... the pain will never stop... it never ends.

How can we move on? We choose. We choose to who we trust and what we want to believe in.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

SUESH Airkissed Airbrush Foundation Kit

Tweet me @heidzbaby if you would like a review of the SUESH Airkissed Airbrush Foundation Kit I have purchased about a week ago and I had to go back to replace the gun and the gun holder. I will always enjoy their service as they did respond and accommodated me with my concerns. I got lucky with this set! I purchased it when I got my 13th month pay as a present to myself and at the time Suesh had a 15% OFF SALE. Instead of spending PHP9000 on the set I only spent PHP7650. Plus!!! I get a free airbrush workshop worth PHP3500. How cool is that? I am still waiting for my schedule on this one. ;) I had already used this to test on my face and skin. The set included water-based airbrush makeup. I think I did not prime enough or put too much products on my face for the first time I used it. I will learn to better it in no time. I also purchased Temptu silicon based airbrush makeup online. I have not tested this on a look but I can tell you, it's messy to clean your gun when you use it. Still, makeup is generally messy anyway. Cleaning my makeup tools actually help me relax... so yay! Lets see how we move forward with this. I am über excited to use it again... and for the workshop to learn more... Finally, got this airbrush after waiting 3 years to purchase this. The anticipation was worth it.

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

hidden desires

When you're into someone but you know in the beginning that you cannot be with this person because he was with your friend at the time you were crushing on him so you kept it to yourself for almost over a decade... Now it's been a few years since they've broken up and she's happy with who she is now... and he was left... single... Now it's out and he knows... and you're chatting and it's getting hot and steamy and you're really into it... You really enjoy the conversations... Remembering the time when he actually went to visit me all the way from Europe and his sole purpose was to meet me in person. OMG Too bad I was in a relationship at the time which I ended months after. Why didn't I ended it a few months sooner? Why now? Now that he's in a relationship with someone else and you're still talking? I feel guilty then I don't... Why? Because I know I've known him longer than she ever did, even if they'd spent more time together yet he still kept in touch with me? Because? Let's see how things go and only time can tell what will happen next...

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

My open letter for the Ex-boyfriend

It has been a few months since I ended this relationship where sometimes after, I had thought, maybe wished, that I did not end it. I'm glad that we remained friends... it's really important for me to keep you in my life because you're a true person. I'm glad I have met you (thanks to Tinder). I'm glad to have been with you as your girlfriend... I'm also glad that it's over and that we are moving forward with our lives. I will always miss you because I really care for you, maybe because I also still love you. We have been seeing other people and we know it hurts us both or we're just jealous, but that's just how we are and we cannot change it. I'm happy if you're happy and I am super thankful and glad to have someone like you. The next person you will love will be lucky maybe. I ended this because I didn't wanna be controlled. I didn't wanna be in a relationship and I wanted my freedom. I wanted to see other people. I didn't want to cheat on you because you don't deserve it and I'm not that kind of person anymore. Some say (even you said), once a cheater, always a cheater. It's not always the same. I don't want you to change and I hope that the next person will accept who you are... your strengths and weaknesses. Your fears... (of roaches) the way you simply are because you are you! I really hope you find happiness just like when and how you showed me before. Too bad the ship has sailed. I really hoped that there could be another chance... but I'm okay that there is none. I guess it's really over. I'm still here for you as a friend if you need me. I appreciate everything you've done and still do for me. Thank you!

Thursday, 23 April 2015

We choose who gets to hurt us...

So I have this friend who always asks for advise when getting serious could be in the picture.
Mind games should be out of the picture...

You should be able to know what you want and just simply go for it...

Everything in life is a RISK.

You will have to expect the worse of getting hurt or being rejected.
But hey, at least you tried, right?

I have to admit. I like playing hard to get because I know I can get pretty annoying when I'm really into someone. It's hard not to bother... I need to stop myself of course before he runs away from me.

Sad but true. There is a book that helped me keep my relationship. I'm not really in the mood to mention it though.
I wanna get another copy of it so I can continue reading it though... (downloading the eBook...)

Just keep in mind that you need to have your OWN life first before you can share it with someone else. You should have your OWN thing that you like doing ALONE so you have some ME time.
This is very important. This will keep you sane with what you have and will keep you from giving too much.

If you're planning on giving up everything? Don't.

Chances are it may not be worth it and you'll end up hurt.
I've heard too many stories of friends who did that and had their heart broken... I'm also kinda guilty on breaking hearts as well... but as much if you want to avoid hurting someone... you'll eventually have to go through with it to avoid getting hurt yourself in the long run, it might get ugly even.

I have far too much patience... some people think I give too many chances.
Some people think I'm too nice or I spoil the person I love. True.
This is just how I am. So if you had me and you've lost me? This is YOUR loss and not mine.

I can always treat someone else the same best way that I've treated you... maybe even better... I'm just glad I've moved on... Moving on can take time specially when you got really hurt... I

've recently been hurt... and yes, it's been really painful... at least I get to choose the person who gets to hurt me... I'm not 100% sure about my choices...

I would rather get hurt than be the hurtful one. Not only because you get to feel the emotional pain but also because this will make you a stronger, better and wiser person...

In the end it will always boil to how far you're willing to make it work and if it goes both ways, the better!


Neutrogena T/Gel therapeutic shampoo

This stuff has been in his shower when I first tried it.
It smells strong but that's the medicine taking effect.
You should only use this twice a week.

I only use this when I have heavy dandruff... (around PHP1000 in S&R)

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Oréal Super Liner Lasting Silky Crayon

I just got these two babies and extended my no-shopping month to another week!!!

Worth it?

Let's see... I still want the soniclear brush!!! FML 

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

How it feels to be in a "not so serious" relationship:

I'm saying "not so serious" because he has no plans on settling down. He has no plans on getting married and he doesn't want to commit entirely. Why am I still in this relationship? Because I want to. Because I love him. Because I actually have strong feelings for him and maybe perhaps one day he may change his mind?! But then again, we cannot change people unless they are willing to change! Do I keep my options open? Maybe. I would still be open to meeting new people... of course because I like meeting new people all the time... I would stay faithful, of course! But once I meet someone and I believe there is a chance that it's a "serious" one, then I'll give up this "not so serious" relationship... He had made his choice by choosing not to settle, he has made the choice to keep this private... He prefers to keep his "single" civil status. Why would I bother? My civil status is "married". I've been separated for 7 years and raising my kid all by myself. Do I want someone to help me? I don't mind. I've done it alone and I can still continue doing it alone... He hasn't bothered getting close to her... Ouch! This means that he really doesn't want to get close or isn't really serious... Many friends say, just let go... I deserve better. Maybe, yes. I do... I deserve someone who will treat me like a queen. Someone who would do anything to keep me by his side and wants to see me happy all the time. Someone who makes me laugh without even doing anything. Someone who'll listen to whatever crap I have on mind and doesn't judge. One day, I'll push through with the annulment only if I find someone worthy and willing to wait and spend the rest of his life with me. We're not getting younger. Who knows what can happen?! Anytime, any day... I could just let go... I could just stop. It could just end. I'm not depressed. I'm just sad. It's just how it is and we cannot change the facts. If he's not for me he will not be for me. The higher power has a plan... I hope this sadness is temporary. I'm tired of crying. But then again, I choose how I feel... I need positivity. I'll pray. I hope everything works out just fine.

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Steal my look: Afrojack @ Chaos (03/12/2015)

Steal my look: Afrojack @ Chaos March 12th 2015:

I've used a liquid foundation to conceal and contour my face; a darker and a shade that's almost the same as my skin tone. I used some concealer to conceal some red spots and acne marks as well as dark spots.

I've mixed 2 shades of matte lip cream from NYX to achieve that tone. (Copenhagen and Addis Ababa).

NYX Jumbo pen for my water-line to make my eyes look bigger. I've been recently digging this look.

Cat eyeliner with my Ever Bilena HD liquid liner.

Eyebrow powdered and used tinted gel to thicken and accentuate my eyebrows that look a lot thicker than the usual suspects.

My eyebrows are very thin and not so bushy... So I need to fill them in. 
Also wearing false natural lashes to make this look dramatic.

Also used the brow powder to contour and smoke my eyelids.

Bronze cream eyeshadow from Maybelline to fill my lids.

Contour powder by TheBalm. (Bahama Mama) This is my ALL TIME FAVE contour powder for now.

Enjoy this look ;)

Monday, 16 March 2015

Acne problems?

My boyfriend introduced this to me a few months ago and recommended me buying this.
Initially, I thought this was not working for me at all, but over the times, when I had a pimple, or a breakout, he would use this on the affected area... even before you start to break out and you feel that there is redness and that there will grow a pimple, you can apply this stuff twice a day... it will disappear within 3 days or even less, depending on your skin chemistry. I have finally purchased a tube for myself. It's a gel type formula which is easily absorbed into the skin. It instantly dries up the pimple.
You can only purchase this at Watson's or Mercury. Stocks are limited, so you need luck getting this.